ORDER OF THE GOLDEN LOBSTER
Installation – Preamble
On this auspicious occasion to invest the candidate/s to the Most Noble Order of the Golden Lobster, I feel that widespread mis-information on the origin and relevance of the Order must be corrected to dispel any unqualified falsification of the facts. While the lobster is adapted to operate primarily in the Sea Environment and can on a limited basis survive in the Land Environment, the Lobster has attributes and characteristics that would serve well in the Air Environment when incorporated in aircraft design.
- The lobster possesses a reliable and sturdy retractable undercarriage.
- It is highly maneuverable and has an excellent rate of climb.
- Repair and maintenance is cyclical and most effective; skin and member damages are simply effected by shedding and re-fabrication.
- Its communication system is first rate with a built-in UHF antenna.
- It has a vertical take-off and landing (VTOL) capability.
- It has a powerful in-line rear mounted engine with a very effective fin and rudder section, making wings unnecessary.
- Armour plating provides excellent crew protection.
- He possesses formidable armament for easily dispatching enemies.
- He has all weather capability and good sortie rate.
- His combat attrition rate (to traps) is high but reserves are adequate to support this high attrition rate.
- Has outstanding camouflage/stealth characteristics.
- Can be fuelled/powered by waste products.
The term “golden” of course gives testimony to the exclusive nature and solemn initiation requirements of this Ancient Most Noble Order of the Golden Lobster. Ancient in that most recipients are old farts!
Now I hope, in view of what has been said, the rationale and propriety behind selecting the lobster and its relationship to the RCAF Association is firmly and clearly fixed in your minds.
The initiation as a member of this esteemed Order is, of course, a very noteworthy occasion. The incumbent must accept the burdensome responsibility and be prepared to respond to the many demands of protocol. Concerning protocol, the Canada Year Book places the Golden Lobster Recipient behind the Governor General, but ahead of the President of Canada Post.
After careful screening of the many possible candidates, the selection committee unanimously chose the following qualified persons for the august indoctrination into the Order.
Ladies and Gentlemen, please express your sentiments as I hereby invest _______________________________________as member/s of the MOST NOBLE ORDER OF THE GOLDEN LOBSTER.